Statistics show Indian Americans rocketing off the charts of financial success. The national median family income is $38,000, whereas that of the Indian American family is $60,000. Forty-five percent of employed Indian Americans hold professional or managerial positions. Tangible rewards are plain to see. Success, power, financial security and prestige are at one�s fingertips, by dint of sheer hard work. In the final analysis, do these erstwhile qualities beget happiness?

	Sushama Kirtikar

We, as a community have much to be proud of. We, as a community have much to beware of, as well. Raising the bar of expectations is a wonderful motivator for most children, but not for all. For some, it acts as a hindrance, a classic setup for failure. If we pigeon hole all children into the expectation of academic excellence, we are doing them a disservice. We negate their individuality, unique strengths and creative facets by pushing them in directions that we deem best, from a biased parental perch.

With their agonizing need to please and seek approval, youngsters bend under parental pressure. Numerous are the times that an adolescent has sobbed in my office, �No matter what I do, it is not good enough for my parents.� Numerous are the examples of youngsters switching majors and fields of study after 2-3 years of undergraduate school. At youth conventions, you hear �20-somethings� speak of their initial foray into engineering or medicine, simply to abandon that route to go into graphic design or visual arts, etc. �Beta, you must be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or accountant,� they mimic their parents� desi accent, with exasperation.

What drives parents to create such a cookie-cutter generation? What drives parents to dismiss or ignore their child�s pleas of consternation? Is it a genuine wish to see their child taste the same success they have? Is it a fear-based compulsion to ensure their child doesn�t lag behind? Is it tunnel vision? Is it a hunger to live vicariously and piggyback on their child�s successes? Is there a price to pay for such drive to excel? What comes first: the child him/herself or our vision for them? What matters more, their well-being, or our dictates?

By no means am I suggesting rewarding mediocrity or condoning sloth. There is a balance to be found between turning a blind eye to underachievement and driving in a spur to overachievement. We cannot squeeze nectar out of a walnut. Listen, see and know your child�s interests, aptitudes, abilities and passions. Assert your experiential wisdom, express your own desires for them, make suggestions and then sit back for their response. Arrive at a win-win solution.

�But, I want only the best for my child,� begs a beleaguered father. Agreed, who doesn�t? That is the reason it is even more crucial to balance what the child aspires, and what you want for him/her, with a sprinkling of reality. It is easy to fall off this mental balance beam. It requires great concentration and single-minded focus. No one said being parents was going to be a walk in the park! No one said parenting was a treacherous trek in the wilderness, either. It is a challenging trail, yes, not an impossible one.

Sushama Kirtikar, a licensed mental health counselor, can be reached at (813) 264-7114 or (727) 586-0626, or e-mail at [email protected]